Wednesday, August 31, 2005

At Least It's Not a Violin

We all know the story of Nero and what he did while Rome burned. In this time of crisis, as Louisiana, Mississipi, and other areas struggle to recover from the effects of hurricane Katrina, it's good to know that our President has devoted his full attention to the needs of the citizenry.

Uh... George? "Hands-On" doesn't mean you grab the nearest toy and play with it.

This Looting is Giving Me Déjà Vu about the Looting

Ever since I started watching coverage of the Katrina disaster unfolding in New Orleans and Mississippi, I've been experiencing non-stop Déjà Vu. For example, when the CNN talking heads mention looting, I see a clip of a group of men wading through the streets with some kind of clothing or sheets or white towels slung over their shoulders. And then I see someone walking out of a convenience store with an armful of Pampers. Then there's the guy with boxes of Snickers. And the lady who waves something at the camera, followed by the shot of the guy with some kind of clothing or sheets or white towels slung over his shoulder, somebody with a load of Pampers, the Snickers guy, waving lady, the guy with white stuff...

It's some kind of Attack of the Clones, as far as I can tell. There seems to be fifteen or twenty people behind this Wave of Looting, since they seem to show up in all the clips. And odder still is the fact that these people keep stealing the same items! The Snickers guy, for example, always carts off a bunch of boxes of candy, always the same candy, always stacked the same way. The same is true of the Pampers lady, the Waving Woman, the White Stuff Guy, and everyone else.

And it's not just the looters who seem to all look the same. CNN also shows, almost continually, clips of people being rescued from rooftops. There's the two men, one of whom waves a white flag at a passing helicopter. Then there's the basket with the two children. Then it's a basket with one boy, followed by two guys on a rooftop, a basket with two children, the basket with one boy, the guy waving the white flag, etc.

But most of all it's the looting, non-stop rotation of those same four clips of people who are most likely homeless now illegaly removing merchandise from a flooded store. Clearly, the looting is the most important aspect of this disaster, far outshadowing the incredible human toll, the loss of tens of thousands of homes, the fact that hundreds of thousands of New Orleans residents won't be able to return home -- if they still have a home -- for at least one month. Never mind all that; just keep your eye on the Pampers gal and the White Stuff guy. That's where the real story is. Well, that and all the looting.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Pat Robertson Says We Should Kill Chavez

Pat Robertson, who has already asked The Almighty to strike down one or more members of the Supreme Court, is now advocating the assasination of Hugo Chavez, the democratically elected President of Venezuela. The problem, you see, is that Venezuela has oil. Lots of it. They're the fifth-largest producer of oil in the world. And America consumes one-fourth of the world's oil. Fifth, fourth... these words both begin with the letter "F!" That, my friends, is what people like Pat Robertson like to refer to as "a sign from God."

Anyway, Robertson is concerned that Mr. Chavez, who has been somewhat unhappy with the Bush administration's attempts to remove him from office, might decide to sell us a little less of his country's natural resources. And so Pat Robertson said "We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability." (See here, here, and here.) Mr. Robertson failed to indicate how his position differed from that of Mohamed Atta, who used a similar argument to launch a series of suicide attacks on September 11, 2001.

God, when reached for comment, shrugged sadly and passed out photographs of the tablet on which the Sixth Commandment is inscribed.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Bush Was For Increasing Troop Levels Before He Was Against it...

...or is it that the Pentagon was for increasing troop levels before they were for decreasing them?

I guess I'm just confused here. After a month of strategically placed leaks that spread the word about Bush's plans to decrease troop levels in Iraq next year, we now hear that the Pentagon actually plans to increase troop levels before the scheduled October 15 vote on the constitution.

So let me get this straight... they're going to send a couple of thousand additional troops to Iraq just before they take a couple of thousand troops out of Iraq?

Yeah, that's about right.

U.S. may raise Iraq troop level before any cuts